Effective leaders understand that when a leader fails, the preferred outcome is restoration, not destruction. The restoration process of a leader cannot succeed without careful attention to communication. Read again 2 Samuel 12.

The results Nathan achieved with David would never have been realized if Nathan had talked “to” or “at” David. Nathan succeeded because he communicated in an effective way, tailored specifically for his friend. The following are some elements of communication leaders can learn from the David-Nathan story:

Many things can disqualify someone from godly leadership. Unrestrained vengeance is one of the most effective disqualifiers for a leader. God tells us that vengeance belongs to Him: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Leaders who cannot humble themselves to serve God and those He has raised up will eventually act out of selfish motives and hurt themselves, their team and even the Kingdom. Read 2 Samuel 3:6-39.

Abner had been a general in King Saul’s army and after Saul’s death was the primary military leader holding the opposition forces together under Saul’s son Ish-Bosheth. On a more personal note, Abner was the man who had killed one of David’s nephews, Asahel, in a battle several years earlier. After a falling out between Abner and Ish-Bosheth, Abner contacted David and an alliance was made that in effect would unite the entire nation of Israel under David’s rule.

Proverbs 16:11 (tlb) says, “The Lord demands fairness in every business deal. He established this principle.” Effective leaders live by this standard. Read 1 Samuel 30:1-25.

David and his men returned home from a military effort to find their homes burned, their possessions stolen and their families kidnapped. David asked the Lord what he should do and God gave David assurance that he would be able to overtake the perpetrators and get his family and possessions back. During the pursuit approximately one third of the men could no longer keep up the pace so the other two thirds stripped off their extra gear to lighten their load, left it with those that could not go on and moved quickly to get their families and possessions back. Just as God had foretold, they did catch up to the raiders, defeated them and took back their possessions and families.

If you have been in leadership long, conflict is a word you understand but dread. I am not talking about a disagreement over certain facts or a misunderstanding because of poor communication or an organizational snafu because of a bad decision, but real conflict. A philosophical difference that goes to the core of two or more individuals that has festered and now has the emotions tangled up with the facts so that every word and action is misunderstood, misinterpreted, and brought under scrutiny to such a degree that there appears to be no way to resolve the conflict. Read 1 Samuel 26.

Saul was the reigning king of Israel. Samuel the prophet had informed Saul that because of his actions of disobedience to God the kingdom would be removed from him and his family line. Saul also knew that Samuel had anointed David to be the future king. And, even though David was not trying to assert himself and “take” the throne, Saul saw David’s every action as a threat to himself and his family. There was real conflict between Saul and David to the point that if Saul had anything to say about it, David would be killed.

Leadership is often associated more with the wisdom of the person than with the power of the position. Review again 1 Samuel 25.

The fascinating story of Abigail shows one woman’s single-handed efforts to save her household by using common sense and courage. Abigail stepped out of her normal life situation and exercised tremendous leadership to normalize a situation that threatened to take the life of her husband, probably her children and many of the laborers who worked for them.